Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Sometimes you just have to work from the ground up

If you have read my introductory entry, you may well have asked yourself, "when are we going to get to the fireworks factory?" Yes, I am very much aware that I have not addressed a single outfit of mine yet, and that has probably left you feeling cheated and ready to grab your flaming torch and pitchfork. Well, the joke is on you, I live in a secure building, so just try to get by the front desk. I know I am not fooling anyone... the front door doesn't even lock at the moment. I am relying on you having better things to do. But time to cut the dilly-daliance.

I often find myself wanting (or in this case, needing) to wear one particular item, and that informs my entire outfit, including socks and bloomers (except when the socks and/or bloomers ARE the one thing I feel I must wear that day.) You should always try to guess the one piece that was the seed for my look, and then try to guess the rationale. That is to say, if you really want to probe the crazy that is me.

As most people who live in NYC (at least those who would be reading this) know, Trash & Vaudeville has  the best shoe selection in the city, and their sale rack is none too shabby. In fact, if you are a cheap Jew like me you are actually incapable of paying full price for anything and so must always shop in the clearance racks. I could certainly not afford that vast Imelda Marcos-like (you know who that is right?) footwear collection if I were to pay retail. (Take a breath here... get a glass of water... Blogger just lost everything from here on, so I need to rethink it.)

Ok. Where was I? What was I going on about? Oh yeah... sale shoes at Trash! So there I was, and lo and behold, there was not one, but TWO pairs of shoes that called to me AND were in my size (US 9, meaning my feet are common peasant feet, and everyone wants my size.) so it was like Jesus had come down and demanded that I buy those shoes. Obviously, I did so without question because I am a man of faith, and faith requires that I accept without question. (Helpful hint: always buy shoes in pairs from the Trash sale rack... not just a pair of shoes, mind you, but 2 pair... the second pair is half-price.)

So here I am with some F.A.B. new shoes that I need to break in.

Look! They are both red and snakeskin! How could I go wrong?
Of course, having picked shoes, social convention says I need pants before I can go outside. I also believe that one should put on pants before going out to the market or the post office. Call me old-fashioned. Pants are really just a gateway garment to shirts, which invariably leads to ties, and then before you know it, you are breaking into your neighbor's house, stealing their Precious Moments figurines to pawn so you can afford a vest.

So this is what happened, all so I could break in my new shoes:

Red shoes does force you into that whole red paradigm, and a snakeskin pattern does set some limits. This does bring up a very good point that you can mix a wide variety of patterns (contrary to what someone's mother said) as long as you maintain a cohesive color family. Alternatively, you can combine a huge assortment of colors if you stick to one pattern. Get it? Some common thread to bind it all together. See what I did there? Talking about clothes and used a tread metaphor. I am both hot and informative.

Hot, figuratively speaking. Truth be told I got a bit cold:

Sometimes you have to add a jacket.

Man, I look glum. But as you can see (read, whatever) sometimes I can just write a straightforward description of what I am wearing. The question I have is now that I am documenting my outfits will you judge me for wearing the same thing twice? 

Coming soon: underpants and why come they have to match our socks?

1 comment:

  1. 1) I agree that underwear and socks must match or at least accent, even when one wears pants and boots.

    2) I disagree that one must always wear pants.